Handling Difficult Conversations at Work

I’ve been speaking with a client who is having trouble having that awkward conversation with a staff member over an issue that keeps recurring.

My client was getting upset and frustrated that the staff member didn’t seem to respect other people on the team and was critical during team meetings. It seemed to go beyond the professional and was more personal. When we get really upset over an issue, we sometimes say unhelpful things, or even destructive to the relationship.

It’s much easier to have that talk before things escalate and get out of hand. Fortunately, there are things we can do to make that a bit easier and allow both parties to come out with their dignity intact and reach a mutually beneficial solution. They might even avoid a termination.

9 Ways to Handle the Difficult Conversation:

1. Don’t ignore minor irritations.
   It’s much easier to heal a scratch than an open wound, a gentle word can clear up misunderstandings before they get out of hand.

2. Always be respectful.
   You might not have any idea what other things the other person might be dealing with, so maybe your problem might need a bit of patience. Sometimes we are dealing with personal issues that affect our judgement and our perspective of the point, and then we might be less patient than usual.

3. Ask how you can help.
   You don’t have to take on the other person’s workload, but there might be a way to rearrange things.

4. Learn better ways to communicate.
   There are ways to say things that make the problem worse. I suspect that is not what you want. You would really like things to improve and have your needs met and have the other person feel respected and understood.

5. Know when to ask for help.
   It’s much better if you can deal with issues yourself, and always make this your first call. If you don’t do any good, then you might need to ask for an appropriate third person to help. That would have to be someone you both respect, not just someone who you know will take your side. Remember there are always two sides to every story. Talk to your line manager if you have tried to resolve the situation yourself, then the HR department if you need to. If you are the boss where the buck stops, then you might need to check out the best strategies for your industry, whether it be through industrial relations or through legal advice.
6. Recognise how your own emotions are impacting on the situation. None of us is immune to being part of the problem. I know. I have had a bit of a rough patch lately too. Fortunately, I have a great coach who helps me sort things out.

7. Understand whose problem it is. You want the other person to change, but maybe with a bit of soul searching you realise that you are contributing in some way. A clash of personalities might easily be part of the problem. Do other people have the same concern or is it just you?

8. Talk it over with someone who doesn’t have the problem. A friendly onlooker might have an impartial view of the situation that might be helpful.

9. Never start from a position of anger. Strong emotion blocks rational thought and also prevents you from hearing the other person’s point of view. Consciously settle your breathing and heart rate with a few minutes of deep-belly or diaphragm breathing, go for a walk, or sleep on it.

If you have some really useful ways of dealing with other people when things get difficult I’d love to hear about it.

Do you need to set boundaries, address staff conflict without losing their cool and being unnecessarily harsh? I can help you develop a plan to resolve conflict, increase respect and work efficiency.  It can also work with customers and clients who abuse goodwill.